(I got this from a friend. It’s pretty funny, although they portray us 315ers horribly).
Mattel Toy Company has announced the release of models of limited Edition Barbie Dolls made exclusively for the Rochester Market.
Pittsford Barbie: This spoiled Princess Barbie is sold exclusively at Eastview Mall. She comes with 45 credit cards, an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a white BMW, a fluffy white lap dog, and a perfect cookie cutter house. Options include tummy tuck, facelift and a workaholic Ken to support her high maintenance habits.
Mendon Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is free with any new Locust Hill Country Club Membership. Barbie comes equipped with a silver Lexus SUV. She gets lost easily outside of $750,000 neighborhoods and has no fulltime occupation besides gazing at the lawn & pool maintenance guys. Traffic jamming video cell phone sold separately.
Park Avenue Barbie: This annoying clueless NYC wannabe yuppie Barbie can be purchased at Parkleigh or through City Newspaper. Barbie comes with a souped up yellow Hummer2, Starbucks Cup, library card and a homosexual Ken.
Greece Barbie: This brassy, gum-chewing, jet black dyed puffy hair Barbie can be purchased on Latta…..no, can’t get there, make that Long Pond….no, can’t get there, make that English Road…no, can’t get there, make that Fetzner….no, can’t get there,…Just look up and down Route 104 for the darn toy…..Barbie comes with a “2 sizes too small” leather mini skirt, unpedicured feet, sandals with 5 inch heels, 12 pieces of fake gold jewelry and a Chrysler 300 with a rosary looped around the rearview mirror.
Avenue D Barbie: Available at Aldi’s between 9:00 to Noon the first day of the month only. This recently paroled Barbie comes with 8 children, a slightly used 9 mm handgun, house arrest ankle bracelet, Ray Lewis knife, pager number of her caseworker and Cadillac with tinted windows & working methadone lab. Options include specialized gang colors and the 8 fathers of the 8 children.
315 Barbie: Ain’t got no stores in Wayne County to buy it…..But, keep trying…. This Barbie’s father is also her uncle and her uncle is also her cousin and her cousin is also her brother and her brother has a different father…..She comes in Wrangler blue jeans, and a NASCAR T-Shirt. She can chug a six pack of Coors Light and spit tobacco. She drives a pickup truck with a Confederate Flag in the cap window.
Chili Barbie: This culturally diverse Barbie can be purchased in Chili, Gates Chili, Wheatland Chili, North Chili, or Churchville Chili. Pull Barbie’s string and she says,” It’s CH-EYE-LYE, not CHILL-EE”. Barbie comes dressed in camouflage riding an ATV on railroad tracks. Pet pit bull included.
Webster Barbie: This Barbie is only sold door to door as an athletic fundraiser. Barbie comes with 3 different Sports Booster Club gear. Barbie can easily be turned into Soccer Mom, Football Mom or Hockey Mom. Webster Barbie shops at Wegman’s daily and knows what everyone else in Webster is doing, how they do it, when they did it, where they did it, with whom they did it with and how much everything cost!