Great Truths


1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.


1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.


1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, ! but it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


  1. Erin said:

    Oh, but I like the orange kind. I guess strawberry works though… it’s pretty good! Wow.. you give me more credit than I deserved back then… I look back and think I was pretty rotten sometimes. I just wnated to fight for freedom (no curfews), but now I am glad I had them and I understand why. Parents know more than we give them credit for when we are teenagers. Thanks mom and dad for loving me enough and caring about what I was doing (even if I did act like Jell-O).

    March 9, 2004
  2. beth said:

    haha, erin, you were strawberry jell-o… still sweet.

    March 8, 2004
  3. Erin said:

    I want to know?

    Mom – Was I Jell-O?

    March 8, 2004
  4. La said:

    In the humor is TRUTH!

    March 8, 2004
  5. Erin said:

    I got this from David in e-mail and thought it was a good one ot pass on… Made me laugh.

    March 8, 2004

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