Category: Humor/Jokes

Humor/Jokes

Subject: Replacement Windows

 Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them. Hellloooo,………..just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It’s been a year, I told him! There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Humor/Jokes

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn’t finished; and, before leaving the house this morning finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a package of Oreos, the remainder of Prozac, the rest of the cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Humor/Jokes

The weather in KC is turning, soon there will be snow

Outside to play all the children will go!

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Everybody plays the fool sometime
There’s no exception to the rule
Listen, baby, it may be factual, may be cruel
I ain’t lyin’, everybody plays the fool…

Humor/Jokes

Kim & Clark seem to be missing- are they with you? They’re found- home safe and sound from Beth’s house.

Yes…Farley really is in this crowd-  Farley went in search of herself and found herself- can you find her?

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squirreleater (109k image)

Kay loves to feed the birds- the squirrels love to eat the food…pretty smart little buggers don’t you think?

Started my new {{popup active.gif active 211×300}}exercise program– hey, I think there are muscles under there- or something sure is sore! I also got new {{popup shoe.gif shoe 350×299}}shoes for my walking- I have been doing that about a month- have now added some hills…how did this happen that I am so differently shaped then when I was young?

Nana & Poppy, Kay & Delaney are home from North Carolina and Farley is coming home today…good times in NC!

What’s up with you?

Humor/Jokes

Little Zachary, a little kid, was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centres; in short, everything they could think of to help his mathematics.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work.
His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner, to her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room, and hit the books.
With great trepidation, his Mum looked at it and to her great surprise, little Zachary got an “A” in math.
She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: “Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?” Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, “No”
Well, then”, she replied, “Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?”
Little Zachary looked at her and said, “Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the Plus Sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.”

Humor/Jokes

100px-Chi-mark-1-cl (3k image)

Q: What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Kansas City Chiefs.

Q: What do the Kansas City Chiefs and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ”.

Q: How do you keep a Kansas City Chief out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.

Q: Where do you go in Kansas City in case of a tornado?
A: To Arrowhead – they never get a touchdown there.

Q: What do you call a Kansas City Chief with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief!!

Q: Why was Herm Edwards upset when the Kansas City Chiefs play book was stolen?
A: Because he hadn’t finished coloring it.

Q: What’s the difference between the Kansas City Chiefs and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get 4 quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: How many Kansas City Chiefs does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we will never find out.

Q: What do the Kansas City Chief and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home (and get killed on the road).

Humor/Jokes Sports